Ebola will kill us all

And just like that, after nearly half a year hiatus, I’m back. This Ebola epidemic… no, wait, that was last year. This Syrian refugee epidemic… I mean… crisis… has finally forced me back to the keyboard.

I find it funny. Not the crisis, of course, but the very American, American reactions to the crisis. Remember when Ebola was going to kill us all?


Pepperidge Farm remembers


People were so sure that the handling of those Ebola victims was a life or death crossroads for America. I saw calls for revolution and assassinations. But a year later, here we all still stand. Well, much like last year when we needed to revolt against our evil government (lead by the Kenyan Satan himself) because King Obummer was trying to kill us all by helping those who were helping stop the spread of Ebola, the low-information sheeple of America have once again worked themselves up into a tizzy over issues they’re poorly informed on and lack historical perspective for. So let’s start unraveling the absurd rhetoric…

“We don’t have the room.”

The United States has been taking in refugees for as long as the United States has existed, and even before. Even the pilgrims were religious refugees. The US Refugee Resettlement program has existed since 1948. Annual refugee intakes average over 50,000, getting as high as 207,000 in 1980. In fact, we took in 70,000 refugees just last year… AND the year before. Where were all the naysayers and doomsdayers for the past 68 years – or even last year? Most likely they were (and still are) completely oblivious to the existence of this program.

“My broke-ass state can’t afford it.”

Well then it’s a damn good thing the federal government funds this program.

“They’re dangerous.”/”It’s too risky”

These two are basically the same and seem to be the most common. When faced with this statement, the best course of action is to ask the simple question: why? The answers usually go like this…

“Because they’re Muslims”

Putting aside all the absurd and xenophobic notions implicit in this question, there are over two million Muslims already living in the US. If you think all Muslims are terrorists and you want to keep them out, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve already missed the boat.

“Look what happened in Paris!”

An attack perpetrated by EU citizens, the majority of whom were actually French nationals. Maybe it’s Europeans that should be banned from moving to the US. Next!

“What if there are ISIS members hiding amongst them?”

This one is a good way to spot a really out-of-touch person that thinks we live in some kind of bubble or fortress. Unfortunately, they’re partly right: ISIS could be hiding terrorist plants in the refugee pool. The part these people are missing is that ISIS could also be hiding terrorist plants on any normal airline flight entering this country, either coming here temporarily or moving here permanently – you know, like how every other terrorist that perpetrated every other major attack got here. We don’t live in a fortress or high security enclosure. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world come and go to this country daily, as they please, with only a passport. Any security measures that would stop someone from normally traveling to this country will also have them getting caught out when vetting these refugees. Anyone capable of getting through the refugee vetting process because of lack of terrorist history or intel would also be capable of securing a passport and visiting and/or moving here unhindered. If ISIS wants in, they can get in without pretending to be refugees. In all likelihood, they’re already here – the FBI even agrees. There’s absolutely no reason or need for ISIS or any other terrorist group to go through the hassle and risk of trying to sneak operatives in through a highly scrutinized group of refugees. If anything, a group of vetted refugees is safer than any random group of people getting off an international flight.

“I don’t know man, it just seems dangerous.”

Your odds of dying in a terrorist attack are 1 in 20 million. Your odds of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 11 million. Your odds of being killed by flesh-eating bacteria are 1 in 1 million. Your odds of being killed by a cop are 1 in 363,000. Your odds of being murdered are 1 in 18,000. Go worry about stuff that matters.

“The US can’t afford it/We need to take care of our own ____ (insert: poor, homeless, veterans, etc) first.”

This is my absolute favorite, by far. It’s my favorite because of the people it always comes from. They’re the same people that, one whole week ago, were railing against any and every social program under the sun. Now suddenly these Trump supporter, poor person haters have become socialist philanthropists. We need to “take care of our own”. These “our own” happen to include disabled people trying to find work. The exact same people that billions of your tax dollars were supposed to go to help, but instead were fraudulently funneled to Lockheed-Martin and other defense contractors by BOTH the Obama and Bush administrations – a scandal that broke the same week as the Paris attacks. How many people do I see raging out of control about this fraud, wasted tax dollars, “can’t afford it”, etc. and threatening to storm the steps of the White House? Zero. Show me something you’ve actually done or even come out in favor of to support our own poor or homeless, or get out of here with this hypocritical bullshit.

“None of that matters, this event is unprecedented.”

Unfortunately, all events are unprecedented to the average American with a fifteen minute memory. This event is not only NOT unprecedented, it’s almost deja vu. After WWII, the same type of clueless people made the exact same arguments against taking in Jewish refugees – “OMG, what if there’s Nazis hiding with them!”

So that’s it, myths debunked with just a tiny bit of critical thinking and facts – things sorely lacking in US public discourse. See you at the next pivotal moment of crisis that will surely destroy us all if we do not immediately revolt against our communist, fascist, Kenyan government.